Whether you’ve been married for 30 years, with your significant other for a few months, or are one of several adults in a committed partnership, I’m happy to facilitate deeper understanding and emotional connection between you.
Humans are wired for connection.
As tender mammals on this planet, we’ve survived and thrived within the context of togetherness, and each of us is born with a knowledge of the freedom of being intimately and vulnerably known. When we fall in love, we get a taste of that being known or at least feel its potential.
At some point, a partner lets us down in a way we didn’t expect, or we let them see a vulnerable side of us, and we don’t get a response that lets us know we’re seen, heard, and valued. Many times a day, in many ways, humans ask each other:
“Do you see me?”
“Do you hear me?”
“Am I important to you?”
“Are you here for me?”
“Will you be there for me when I need you?”
When we perceive the answer to our question is “no” by our partners’ actions, words, or silence, we can armor up, and a pattern of interaction develops wherein we each begin to bring our hopes and fears to our partners through thick, protective shields.
When partners are defended like this, they can’t get their needs for intimate connection met and over time, the relationship feels heavy and burdensome. Maybe we get angry and protest the dynamic and end up feeling like all we do is fight. Maybe one or more partners withdraw from each other, refusing to fight, and we end up thinking, “We’re just not in love anymore” or “They just don’t care anymore.” Perhaps partners turn to people outside the partnership for comfort and connection, resulting in feelings of betrayal and abandonment even when the object of connection is a child who is loved by everyone, a job that supports the family, or a friend or family member who is important to the family system.
At Merry Hearts, we will find small ways to connect safely while making sense of what happens between you, exploring how those painful patterns of interaction came to be without placing blame.
Each session offers opportunities to practice sharing empathy for each other and finding pathways to safe, loving connection.
When partners can share their vulnerable thoughts and feelings safely, their love deepens, emotional needs get met, and new patterns of interaction strengthen so that even when a person’s protections get activated, there is enough safety and comfort in the relationship to slow down and get through it together.